9 Year Old David Militello Just Stole My Breathe
By Rory Stern | July 2, 2008
Last night I came home just in time to catch the tail end of “America’s Got Talent.” Normally I would have breezed right past this show, but since my wife was doing some “late-night” work on the couch - I decided to just sit down and leave things alone (rather than be the typical male that comes in and takes over).
Now, I really can’t stand shows like this - due in large part to American Idol’s style of bashing and insulting people auditioning who don’t meet their standards. I just can’t get behind a show that preys on the weaknesses of others - and then exploits them. Yes - I said it.
Sidebar out of the way, I really must tell you that I found myself inspired last night. I didn’t know all the details when I saw him sing and perform (to millions of people), but I did need to find out who he was.
Here’s what I knew (from last night’s show):
I saw a sweet little boy, who appeared small for his age, standing in front of a live audience and America, without a single drop of fear or anxiety on his face. At least he looked pretty comfortable for his age. (Commentary: I sure know I couldn’t do that.)
Anyway, he sang beautifully and in between camera shots of his performance, they moved to very touching scenes of his parents crying in disbelief - or more likely tears of joy. And these tears of joy became so powerful as they listened to America rise to their feet and applaud this little boy.
Because of who I am, I wondered if this little boy had a gift for the world? I knew there had to be more of a back-story to who he is… Not out of insult or injury - but simply because of how his performance was being presented.
Bottom Line?
“Google” Davidi Miletello or follow this link, and be inspired by this little boy’s story and accomplishment.
Diagnosed with autism, neither David or his parents let that get in the way of having him pursue a dream.
Thank you David! I am touched deeply by your courage and incredible perseverance.
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ADHD Coaching Tip: Find Me A Negative And I’ll Show You The Positive
By Rory Stern | June 30, 2008
Here I am sitting at the computer, having just gotten off of a business call…
I won’t get into the details behind the call, but the general concept is that it truly amazes me about the negatives people see in the world. Or let me rephrase that, it’s truly amazing how we tend to focus so much on the negative versus seeing the positives in things… seeing the lessons in life… and seeing the potential beneath something (that might require a little extra effort).
Now - having been a person who used to sit around and complain (not taking action), I can understand how easy it is to see the negative. I can also understand that sometimes it requires a certain understanding to find the positive.
But that being said - find me a negative, and I’ll show you the positive.*
Here’s an example:
Risk - Most of us are taught to try and avoid high risk situations. For instance, do you walk away from one job without having another job lined up?
To many people - that would be risky behavior.
But what if you are walking away from a situation where a family member NEEDS your attention, and that job gets in the way. Would you walk away? Would you stay?
At what costs?
Most people think that having a job (or career) is the safe way of doing things. But how safe is it when you can’t get a raise? When you can’t get time off? When you can’t do the things you are meant to do? When you are NOT appreciated for the value you bring to the workplace or your team?
Lesson: (Or at least the point I am trying to make)-
Risk is in the eye of the beholder (and everyone else with an opinion).
When making a decision, I find situations and evaluate the risk. So what might appear to be high risk to one person, or to an outsider, is really never a risk to me at all.
I might be talking in circles here, but I am incredibly aggravated at how narrow minded some people can be… I am incredibly annoyed and less patient with people who jump to conclusions without asking questions and being informed about a topic.
Maybe today is just another rant… Maybe I am at the point where ranting through lessons is where I am. But that’s me.
Today I want to take a negative - turn it around and see the possibility in it.
When someone used to tell me that you have to create opportunity, I scoffed at that idea. “NOPE,” I said to myself. “Opportunity will present itself to me.” HA
I totally get what people mean now about making opportunity. No one is going to give it to you. You have to bend the rules a little bit, and go after what you want. And maybe that’s what I mean by finding the positive in the negative situation. There will always be downsides to everything we do.
There will always be risks.
But what do you choose to see?
- The risk
- The reward
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*Granted, there are likely some events or instances in life where the positive might be hard to find. I won’t argue that. I don’t claim to have all the answer (or anywhere near that).
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The ADHD Debate Rages On
By Rory Stern | June 25, 2008
Apparently I have issues. Yep! I have always had most of these issues, and I have learned over the years how these issues affect my life and how they show themselves. But most of all - I know my issues are my identity. I don’t have a label… I don’t have a diagnosis… Rather I am just who I am, and that’s just the way I like it.
Now this might sound crass or offensive, but that is not the intent.
Actually, it is really just my way of saying “I understand who I am. I know what makes me different, and I know just what makes me tick.”
I suppose in some way this post today is in response to, or really more in celebration of a conversation I had last night with a dear friend and colleague who also just happens to be the President-Elect of the Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA).
My dear friend is convinced I have ADHD. And despite having never been diagnosed - even after having been evaluated and tested for ADHD - it sure would explain a lot.
And the reason I am sharing this with you today. I just got back from Men’s Warehouse, where I was fitted for a tuxedo. All I can say is: “Yuck, I have issues, and I totally despise trying on clothes.”
That’s why i have issues.
I found myself re-living experiences from childhood. They rage on into adulthood…
- I still find myself in-between shoe sizes.
- I like my shirts to fit a certain way
- The tuxedo jacket was either too small or too big
- And most of all - I hate making decisions.
I even told the gentleman taking my measurements that I really should have brought my wife with me. That’s right - I told him that I got married and don’t get to make decisions like these anymore.
I meant it in jest, and I meant it in reality. I HATE getting fitted for clothes - especially when it’s not the clothes I normally wear.
And honestly - let’s look at all the things I might have:
It could be ADHD. Or maybe it’s sensory-integration disorder. It certainly could be seen as a little bit of anxiety, maybe even toss in some insecurity and weight issues…
And of course - it really could be all of those things wrapped into one.
So why this rant today?
ADHD or not - I am who I am. I know what I need in life. I know what works for me, what to expect in situations that don’t, and I make sure that I put myself in more situations that work for me than in situations that don’t.
Forgive my rant (or enjoy it). I’ll get back to more tips, tactics, and strategies in my next post.
And in the meantime, if you find yourself just as confused as me or as so many other people are about what is ADHD, what is not ADHD, and all things in between - feel free to sign up to receive more tips (and apparent rants) like this right here!
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Do You Have ADHD? - “I Passed!”
By Rory Stern | June 24, 2008
This past weekend I had the opportunity to represent the Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA), at a local health and fitness expo. I was one of two “mental health professionals” answering questions at the Shire booth - where adults could take a free screening to find out whether or not they should see a physician or treatment professional about Adult ADHD.
The experience was a lot of fun. I met a lot of great people, and had the opportunity to answer a great number of questions about ADHD.
But of all the questions I heard… And out of all the questions I was asked, one thing stood out for me the most.
As people approached the booth, couples, friends, and parents came up together snickering about attention, distraction, and all the other hallmark symptoms of ADHD.
- “You totally have ADHD!”
- “I don’t have it, but your sister absolutely does.”
- “I’ve been telling my wife for years!”
As people approached the booth for their screening, it seemed like ADHD was more of a game than anything else. All day long people were sure they knew who had it (of course, no one themselves had it).
Ok, that’s not entirely true. There were a handful of people who came up and acknowledged that they had it.
But for the most part, it seemed like a game. And this was the most evident to me when people would walk away from the “screener” shouting - “I passed!”
At first I didn’t know what it meant, or what to make of it. But apparently, “I passed,” meant that someone did NOT appear to have symptoms consistent with ADHD.
All I can say is “WOW.” This was mind-blowing to me.
It became more apparent than ever that ADHD is grossly misunderstood… It was obvious that people are more aware of the so-called “deficits” of ADHD, rather than what someone is truly capable of accomplishing.
For that reason - on that day - my mission and purpose of sharing more information with as many people as possible became more relevant than ever.
So if you’d like to truly understand ADHD, and what is possible, please sign up to receive insightful tips that will you and your child better understand and manage ADHD.
http://www.thetruthbehindadhd.com/tips.html
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ADHD Parenting - A Carefully Crafted Balancing Act
By Rory Stern | June 12, 2008
It’s time to peel back another layer of the veil…
This morning I finally broke out of the routine that sort of just formed itself over the last few weeks. I woke up after a solid night’s sleep (very rare these days), and I decided that it was time to get both kids strapped in the double stroller and out the door for a morning walk.
Out on our short little journey, I was reminded of the creative forces that tend to erupt while I am outside just walking around. I have escaped the 4 walls of my house - and the mundane routine that I had so eloquently allowed myself to fall into.
One simple little walk has restored balance to the force, and I feel like a regular human being with a purpose and meaning for the day.
What’s this all about?
I haven’t been balancing things very well of late. Not too long ago I shared with you all the importance of self-care, just as I myself fell victim to not being very good at it at all.
I put myself last, and everybody else and everything else first. And boy oh boy, how I suffered…
I am sharing this with you because I know as a parent how hard it is to balance work, life, family, community, and all of our other commitments.
Here’s what I did today to shake it up:
- Broke the routine
- Decided to do something different
- Looked at what helped me in the past
- Brought the kids along
- Found my energy
- Restored hope
- Taking action
There’s a lot more to it of course. You see, last night I finally got a good night’s sleep again. My body needs that. Even though I was up at 4:45 AM EDT - I still got in a solid 8 hours of sleep.
Don’t get me wrong - the morning didn’t start this way. It was until I implemented Step 1 above where I even gave myself a chance for change.
I have a pretty hefty “To-Do” list for today, much like every other day, and much like I anticipate YOU do…
Most days (recently of course), I haven’t gotten nearly anything accomplished. But today will be different. Today has the opportunity to be productive…all because I went for a walk.
What does it for you?
Let me know!
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ADHD Success Tip - Know When To Say When
By Rory Stern | June 2, 2008
I know, I know, I know…
I have all but disappeared from this blog in the last few weeks, and my sincere apologies for that. The ADHD Strategy Series got off to a heavy start and has really consumed a great deal of my time…
And to be perfectly honest, I have also needed a little bit of a break from doing work and being at the computer. Since 2008 kicked off - I have really put forth a concerted effort with sharing information and raising ADHD awareness. I have allowed it to consume my life, and to really consume all that I have been working towards.
The result?
I don’t know that I have ever been so fulfilled, so uplifted, so energized, and so thoroughly complete.
My passion in the world has gone from dream to hobby to reality.
Why am I sharing this?
Passion is everything in life - and if you are not doing what you love (to some degree), then you are really doing yourself and those around you a huge disservice.
Bottom line - follow your heart. Explore your passion. Make certain that each and every day you are doing something that you love - hobby, work, whatever…
At the same time - know when to say when. Make sure you know when your body needs a rest, and when you need a break. It’s one thing to be involved with your work or your passion, but don’t let it consume you.
If you’d like to see more of what I mean, check out the “featured article” in last week’s newsletter.
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The ADHD Strategy Series - What Is It?
By Rory Stern | May 14, 2008
Earlier this week, I announced the ADHD Strategy Series. This Virtual Learning Event is being brought to you 100% free.
Why?
It’s FREE because I want everyone to have access to this information. That’s how much I believe in this knowledge and in learning strategies. While working as a therapist - I noticed several themes among the families and patients I worked with who struggled with who were affected by ADHD.
- Time with medical professionals was limited (and sometimes hurried)
- Information was overwhelming, and often unclear
- ADHD is seen as a negative, instead of a positive
- One hour of therapy was never enough for a child
These are just a few of the many themes I noticed… But above all else, what stood out the most, was this idea that ADHD was a life sentence.
To correct this problem, I have immersed myself into the ADHD community. I have sought out some of the greatest advocates in the community - and brought them together for you.
Please sign up, and join us for what will be an amazing event…
Click here to join us for The ADHD Strategy Series
Strategies are the key to success to managing ADHD. Strategies are the one source of support that you can rely on - no matter what the situation is, or what you, your family, or child are experiencing.
Every Monday & Wednesday - Starting Monday May 19th, 2008 through July 2nd - we will hear from of our guest speakers and ADHD advocates. We will go in-depth on the topics that matter most, and find strategies that you can begin implementing immediately…without reservation, and without going to the Dr.
These strategies are battle-tested, and proven to help you and your child better manage:
- Organization
- Homework
- Studying
- Relationships
- Family-Time
- Confidence
- Self-Esteem
- And success across time…
These calls will focus on strategies that will work now, and that will help set up your child for success over the long run.
Tomorrow we will get to know more about our speakers…
I hope you will join us at http://www.adhdstrategyseries.com
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Announcing The ADHD Strategy Series
By Rory Stern | May 12, 2008
FREE Virtual ADHD Strategy Series For Parents Of Children With ADHD
Boston, MA — May 10th, 2008 — Dr. Rory Stern has organized a virtual learning event to help support parents of children with ADHD. This 6 week, 12 speaker series will focus on providing parents with a solid foundation of information and strategies that start being used immediately. As a former therapist, working with children and their families, Dr. Stern found that ADHD affects the entire family and not just the child who is diagnosed. In addition, he also noticed certain recurrent themes that were being overlook as a part of treatment.
“When first suggested or initially diagnosed with ADHD, many parents can feel as if they are alone in this struggle,” says Dr. Stern. He observed that suddenly the diagnosis is made, and many families are left to deal with the aftermath without any additional information or supports added. Often not knowing who to turn to for help or just feeling stuck and fighting what can feel like an impossible battle, something needed to change.
With the help and support of many noted ADHD advocates, Dr. Stern has organized The ADHD Strategy Series. This virtual event brings together a united effort to provide parents with information and strategies that can make a real difference - for themselves, their children, and their families - almost immediately.
Starting Monday, May 19th, 2008 at 8:30 PM EDT, and taking place every Monday and Wednesday night through July 2nd, registered guests will be able to attend these calls for FREE. In an effort to ensure this information is available to all who are interested, Dr. Stern is also offering a 24-36 hour replay line of the call. Additionally, for those interested, there will be an opportunity to purchase the mp3 audio recordings and transcripts for each call. This upgrade is completely optional and up to the individual registrant.
http://www.adhdstrategyseries.com
As mentioned on http://add.about.com
If you’d like to share this event with people in your circle, please feel free to contact me directly to learn more about our affiliate “referral” program.
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Happy Mother’s Day
By Rory Stern | May 11, 2008
Just wanted to wish a “Happy Mother’s Day” to all the Mom’s out there.
I am about to (hopefully) head out for a big breakfast with my family and enjoy the day. I hope you will do the same (breakfast optional).
Rory
PS - To those of you outside the US or not celebrating Mother’s Day, I of course wish you a wonderful day as well.
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Do You See ADHD As A Gift, Disorder, Or As An Opportunity?
By Rory Stern | May 9, 2008
These days there is a lot of talk about people promoting ADHD as a gift.
- Some will have you believe that the symptoms people with ADHD struggle with, are actually advantages.
- Others will have you believe that ADHD is a deficit - one where an individual is NOT capable of being successful in life.
- And yet others will tell you that ADHD might offer some advantages, but only if someone truly understands what they are capable of and how to apply themselves.
Of course there are many other perspectives on ADHD…
What do you believe?
Perhaps this story can add a different perspective:
This morning on Good Morning America - an American morning news program - one of the featured stories was about a woman who is able to remember every single detail of every day of her life, from the time she was 14-years old.
Talking about her story, she made the following comment:
“If I am able to cure a disease, that is a gift. Being able to remember every detail of my life and the events I have lived through is hard - but it has formed who I am…”
Imagine that!
Can you see how having this type of memory could be a deficit?
- What about it being a gift?
Would you believe she did well in school?
She has a great memory right?
Well - she actually DID NOT do well in school. In fact, her memory is autobiographical and she only remembers things that interest her?
Does that sound familiar?
People with ADHD tend to excel and can be incredibly successful (and pay attention to) areas of lie that interest them.
If you’d like to read about this article…
And if you’d like to hear more about her, you can watch an interview tonight on 20/20 (ABC) at 10 PM EDT.
Just something else to think about…
- Another perspective to consider when trying to figure out how to use your strengths to become incredibly successful…
ADHD might be a gift - but I will tell you that gifts do not just happen and they do not just give freely. To truly be a gift, you must recognize your strengths, understand how to leverage other people’s strengths (in areas where you might struggle), and know how to apply these strengths in your life.
Rory
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