"Symptom Free Ezine"

A few readers have written in to ask, comment, or express concern about their child's attitude.

Attitude is a very difficult topic to approach, particularly with children in general.  Tack behavioral problems or complaints on, and maybe even an ADHD diagnosis, and "attitude" really starts to mean something else entirely.

The Basics:

Attitude involves, at the very least, two people.  In this particular situation, let's consider the parent-child interaction.  The key players:

• Child (possibly with ADHD)
• Parent(s)
• Siblings

At the very minimum, we have a few different players - each bringing a tremendous amount of passion, love, history, and concern.  In most cases, there comes a point in a child's life where a parent shifts from friend or mentor to sworn enemy.

• It might not start out that way.
• It might not be intended.
• It might not be implied.
• But it can ultimately fracture an already stressful relationship.
• And certainly - it's bound to happen no matter what you do.

When thinking about my own relationship with my parents, even today, there is still a certain level of tension felt amongst us.  While I am now an adult with my own family, my parents still see themselves as just that - "my parents."  However, I see them differently today.  In fact, I think I have always seen them differently - and wanted something different.

I don't need the expressed disappointment or continued judgment of what actions I take.  Instead, I (and most "kids") want someone they can connect with on a personal level.

Of course this is different from very young children, but even then, they are looking for a balance of parent as disciplinarian and rule setter along with mentor.

Let's look at how "attitude" happnes:

Intent - What we intend to say or express.
Action - What actually comes across.
Delivery - The method by which we share our message.

Typically, the problem happens with the delivery of the message.  What we mean to say is misinterpreted by the person hearing the message.

The flavors of attitude:

• Word choice
• Tone of voice
• Body language (includes rolling your eyes)
• Previous history

So these issues compact an already difficult situation.

That said, there are a lot of factors contributing to attitude, starting with communication and history.

Because of these two critical factors, communication boils down to interpretation or perception of the message.  And quite frankly, perception is the key.